ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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