I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
