Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
