We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't deserve a penis
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
