are you still at the devil's house?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
