i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
