I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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