Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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