Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
