Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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