I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
