New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i've created a new STD.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
