I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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