Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
