my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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