Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
