No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
