he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
