Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
