Actions speak louder than pants.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
