I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
