It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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