Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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