Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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