Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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