on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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