Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
