During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Everyone says I win the strip club
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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