im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
