I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
