i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
