shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
