I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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