walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
