ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
