I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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