At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
