Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
