The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
