I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
