DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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