Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
