I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
