Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
