Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
