It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize
