I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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