grandma shit on top of the toilet
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
