Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
barbara walters just said penis...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
