I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
