just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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