i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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