The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
