We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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