Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
