i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
