I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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