I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
