she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
