I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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