I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This baby is an asshole
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
