Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
