i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
