i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
